Say you don't want it
by Nakii-Ilylac
Summary: S4, Blair visits Chuck in hospital but quickly returns to her summer in Paris. When Chuck comes to France with a new girlfriend, Blair is devestated. Both want each other back, but neither will admit it. Can Chuck fight his way back into Blair's life?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay so after reading the spoilers for Season 4, this story got into my head, and i'm hoping to make it a multi-chapter fic. I got a good idea of what's coming next, so I really hope you like it, please REVIEW. It'll make my day. =] **

They never made it to Paris. The hurried phone call of a worried Nate Archibald had made sure of that. Blair had known that Chuck would somehow put a stop to her happiness, he always did. But she could never have imagined this. Shot. The bastard had gone and got himself shot, and now she was swapping her flight to Paris which would have involved a glorious summer of whirlwind romance and wining and dining with her best friend, for a flight to Prague so she could go visit her ex-boyfriend in hospital where he was recovering from a bullet wound. She could picture the whole scenario now. Chuck Bass drunk and drugged up, wondering aimlessly around the streets of Prague and seducing prostitutes. Then an image of him alone and bleeding on the ground. A wave of worry washed over her, but she pushed it aside. He'd put himself in this situation, they would have been spending the summer together if he hadn't whored her out to his Uncle for a hotel and then slept with Jenny Humphrey while she was frantically trying to find him at the Empire State Building. No this was his entire fault. But it didn't make her feel any better about the situation.

Serena was worried about Blair, she hadn't said a word about Chuck's injury, although she'd made plenty of angry exclamations about how unfair it was that their summer trip had been ruined, an accusing tone clearly present in her voice. She knew that this was just Blair's way of dealing with it, but the eerie calm did not suit her best friend, she knew it would only be a matter of time before she broke. They arrived at the hospital, greeted by Nate, his face a picture of relief as the girls joined him. They were back together; they would all be able to deal with this together. Little did he know, Blair had no plans on staying. 

"Where is he? I want to see him, so I can book a flight to Paris" her voice was carefully steady.

"Blair, maybe we could stay here for a bit, make sure Chuck's recovered before we leave, it'll give you two a chance to talk" Serena tried reasoning with Blair, giving Nate a sharp look. Nate responded unhelpfully by shrugging his shoulders. Blair sighed.

"I don't want to talk to him. Of course i'm scared; of course I want him to be okay. But nothing is going to make me forgive him for what he did to me! I want to know he's okay and then I want to leave. Please Serena"

Serena watched Blair sadly and nodded slightly, agreeing to her pleads.

"Okay Blair, we'll see him then we'll go" she replied reluctantly.

"Thank you" she breathed.

Nate looked unsurely at the two girls, he knew that Chuck would want Blair around him and it would devastate him if he woke up without her there by his side, but at the same time, he knew his friend had gone way too far this time, it was clear Blair was having trouble dealing with it. He sighed deeply.

"The doctors say that the surgery went well but he's still unconscious. He'll be waking up in the next hour or so if you want to see him before he's awake Blair, but they've assured me he's going to be fine"

He watched as Blair's eyed slowly filled up with tears, and instinctively wrapped his arms around her pulling her close. Serena watched them, a look of deep concern on her face. She slowly walked over and stroked Blair's hair gently.

"He's going to be okay Blair" she whispered. "You're going to be okay"

She nodded and pulled away from the two of them.

"I'm going to see him now" she announced. She then walked to the door of his room, her high heels echoing around the halls. Not many people would notice the slight hesitation and shaking of her hand before she opened the door, but it was definitely there. There was also a slight gasp as she saw Chuck Bass lying there in the European hospital bed, all silent and still and with a bunch of tubes attached to him. She walked closer to him, fear gripping her as she saw his pale face. His hand clutched the sheets of the bed tightly and he shouted out her name. That was the moment her resolve dropped completely as she began crying and grabbed his hand in her own.

"Shhh Chuck, please... i'm here, Chuck! I'm here!" she bent down and brushed his sweaty hair from his face, kissing his forehead gently. He moaned her name again, and she squeezed his hand. His eyes shot open and he moved forward which resulted in a loud grunt of pain.

"B-B-Blair?" he stuttered, shaking slightly. She closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again. He was looking at her intensely.

"It was just a nightmare, you're okay" she said, matching his gaze. Relief washed over his face.

"I'm okay now you're here. I've had that nightmare every night for weeks" he shuddered, which resulted in another look of pain. She looked at him anxiously for a moment, and then reassembled her features into an expression which she hoped looked indifferent. He was still looking at her; in fact he hadn't looked away once.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. She looked up slightly shocked.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? You're the one who went and got yourself shot" she replied indignantly. He ignored her comment.

"I need to know if you're okay. You don't look like you are, and it's bothering me"

She was going to lie. She seriously considered it for a long moment, just telling him that she was completely fine, but he knew her too well. He'd know she was lying, there was no point.

"No Chuck, i'm not okay." He looked at her, this time he was the one with the anxious expression and was making no move to hide it.

"Blair I-"he didn't get to finish what he was about to say, Blair interrupted him.

"But I will be. I came here to make sure you were alright. Because despite everything I still care for you, and I'd never want you to be hurt. But now I can see that you are okay, I'm going to Paris with Serena, like we'd planned before all this happened. And i'm going to have a good time without you Chuck, I will" Chuck nodded, still watching her carefully.

"I want you to Blair. I want you to have an amazing summer with Serena and i'm sorry that your trip has been postponed because of me"

She looked at him, a confused expression on her face. Chuck smiled slightly and brought her hand to his lips, kissing it tenderly.

"Go, right now. Go get your flight, tell Serena not to worry about seeing me. I want you to have a good time"

She nodded, and squeezed his hand.

"I'm glad you're okay Chuck. Get better soon"

She then got up and walked out the room, fighting the urge to turn back. Chuck didn't take his eyes off her as she walked away from him. As she returned to the hallway, Serena and Nate stood up immediately, their furious whispers coming to a halt.

"He's awake. We spoke and he told you not to worry about seeing him, Serena. He wants me to have a good time in Paris. He told me to go get a flight" her voice was numb, and there was no emotion behind her words. Serena glanced at Nate.

"Can we go now Serena? Please?" there was a slight crack in her voice. Serena nodded, gathering up her bags before kissing Nate on the cheek.

"Okay honey, come on let's go" she took Blair's arm and led her towards the exit. Blair turned round to face Nate.

"Thank you for calling us, and make sure you take care of him okay?"

"Of course I will Blair, go and have fun, I'll keep an eye on him for you" He smiled at her, and received small smile in return.

As they left, Nate sighed deeply and ran his hands through his hair making it even more unruffled and messy than it was before. He knew that despite the brave front Chuck had evidently put on for Blair, he was most likely devastated at her leaving him once again, to go to Paris for a summer without him. Nate entered Chuck's room with the hope that at least his best friend would be happy to know that he wouldn't have to spend the summer alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed =] I'm gonna reply to them when I get a chance. Here's the next chapter, please review! **

Paris wasn't as amazing as Blair had expected it to be. She usually loved coming here, visiting her father and Roman. She was here with her best friend; she and Serena had done plenty of shopping, eating, sunbathing and sightseeing. She should be having the time of her life, but it just wasn't. Maybe it was because Paris is renowned for being the city of love, and despite a number of eligible bachelors she'd been spending plenty of time with, she yearned for her past with Chuck. Maybe he was the reason that despite being in one of her favourite places in the world, she couldn't enjoy it as much as she should. Maybe he was the reason that she felt herself having to put on a fake smile, and pretend to be as happy as she wished she was. Maybe he was the reason that she felt so lost. Blair was pulled out of her thoughts by the handsome man sitting in front of her.

"Blair? Blair are you listening?" his French accent was cute and endearing. When he was saying certain things it was positively sexy but Chuck's voice would always be her favourite sound. If she concentrated hard enough, she could remember the exact tone of it, whispering in her ear, as if he were right next to her. She shook her head slightly, as if to shake away the sound; she was supposed to be having a good time, without him.

"Sorry darling, of course i'm listening" she smiled widely, and took his hand from across the table. "Carry on" she fluttered her eyelashes at him a bit and carried on smiling and laughing at everything he said, but she wasn't really listening. Her attention was on Chuck Bass, wherever he might be. Nate had text her saying that he had recovered well since she left him, he'd been discharged a few weeks ago.

Chuck Bass was in fact, as Serena was about to discover, in Paris. She had just received a text from Blair telling her to meet in the French square in 10 minutes. Chuck had just left a cinema with a beautiful blonde girl, delicately dressed, pretty smile just as Serena walked down the cobbled street to the decided meeting place. She stopped in her tracks when she saw them.

"Chuck?" she asked sharply, a look of shock on her face.

"Serena, how are you?" he responded politely. Serena ignored him, staring quite rudely at the girl he was with.

"Who are you?" she asked, her voice contained an obvious attempt at politeness, but it came across blunt.

"Serena this is E-"Chuck was cut off by Blair, her brunette curls bouncing as she hurried toward Serena kissing her on the cheek. She looked gorgeous in a dark red dress, tighter perhaps than Blair would usually wear. She had a tan as well and recently manicured nails. Chuck was glad that she was taking care of herself, but he shook his head slightly at how he could notice every change since their last meeting.

"Oh god Serena, that has to be one of the worst lunch dates ever, he was gorgeous, but I just kept thinking about-"she trailed off as she saw Chuck standing there a look of shock on her face, and she couldn't disguise the pain in her eyes when she realised he wasn't alone, he'd brought someone. He'd turned up at her 'perfect' summer in Paris, with a girl who he was parading around with. Her breathing got slightly faster as she remembered all the times she had daydreamed that he would come here and think up some perfectly romantic gesture in an attempt to make things better between them. She just wanted things to be right again. But the sight of him and this girl wasn't right. It wasn't right at all. She looked at the blonde girl's hand clasped in Chuck's and then looked over at the cinema, they'd evidently just left.

"_Chuck and Blair going to the movies. Chuck and Blair holding hands."_

She blinked a few times, disbelievingly. Chuck was holding hands with this person, taking her to the cinema. She felt fear grip her, because this wasn't like the other times he'd used girls when they were apart, or to get her back. This was new and Blair didn't like it, she didn't understand it.

"Who the hell are you?" she asked directly at the blonde, practically spitting the words at her.

"Come on Blair, let's go" Serena said hurriedly, grabbing Blair's arm. She could sense that this meeting was going to tip Blair off the edge and the last thing she wanted was for Chuck to destroy her friend any more than he already had done. Blair angrily shook her off.

"Answer me." She yelled, not taking her eyes off her.

"Blair this is Eva. My girlfriend" Chuck said carefully, his eyes focussed on Blair. Slowly she moved her gaze from Eva to him. Chuck felt his stomach flip when he saw the amount of anger and pain on Blair's face, but she quickly composed herself.

"Chuck's girlfriend? Oh you must excuse my rudeness, I'm Blair Waldorf" she held out a hand to the girl, who took it in her own briefly before dropping it, a look of fear on her face.

"I'm deeply sorry if I offended you, it's just, Chuck Bass doesn't do girlfriends" her voice was dripping sarcasm. Chuck sighed quietly, prompting Blair to quickly turn her attention back to him.

"I hope you two are really happy together. She must be pretty special if she's the chosen girlfriend of Chuck Bass. I hope she's everything i'm not"

"Blair-"

It was too late; Blair had walked off, disappearing into the French square. Serena was looking at Chuck with an expression of pure disbelief.

"Eva, do you mind giving me a moment with my sister?" he asked, letting go of her hand.

"Of course" she replied, wondering into one of the little French bookstores close by.

"Chuck what the hell are you doing here? And with her?" Serena asked angrily.

"I'm in Paris because you and Blair are here." He responded matter of factly. "I wasn't lying; Eva is in fact my girlfriend. We met shortly after I left the hospital. I care for her, and I want Blair to see that I have changed. That i'm capable of being a different person"

"Chuck you haven't made her see anything. You've just completely destroyed her. "

"She didn't seem destroyed, in fact Blair was on top class bitch form just now" he replied. He'd seen a side to Blair today that he hadn't seen in a while. It reminded him of a time, before everything got complicated between them.

"Oh come on Chuck, I know how well you can read Blair. You know as well as I do that that was just a front she put on in an attempt to hide how much you hurt her by bringing that girl here. She's tired of being hurt by you Chuck"

"I don't want to hurt her, I want to show her" he seemed like he genuinely meant what he was saying but Serena couldn't believe that he didn't see the damage he was causing.

"If you don't want to hurt her, then go home. Go home and leave Blair alone. Please Chuck for her sake"

Chuck looked at her for a long moment.

"No Serena, i'm not giving up on her" he replied. "I can't" he then nodded at Serena as a way of goodbye before walking over to Eva, taking her by the hand, and leading her away.

Serena sighed, before returning to the crowd, searching for Blair.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry it's taken me such a long time to update, been pretty busy lately but here's the next chapter (: thank you so much for all your reviews, please keep reviewing, it makes me happy!  
Hopefully you'll enjoy the chapter! **

"I'll be fine Serena" Blair replied impatiently. "I'm not a child; i'm perfectly capable of spending one night in Paris alone"

"I know you're not a child Blair, I just would understand if you didn't want to be alone after what happened today, I can cancel the date?"

"No Serena, don't cancel your date, just go! Have a good time, you can tell me all the details later okay? "

"And you're sure you'll be fine?" Blair rolled her eyes, got up, and began to push Serena towards the door.

"Go! You're going to be late" She smiled, and Serena smiled back, pulling her into a hug.

"I love you B"

"I love you too S, now go before I scream" she laughed as she slammed the door shut.

As soon as the door shut, Blair's happy facade dropped and she closed her eyes trying to stop herself from crying. All that was running through her mind were images of Chuck and that leggy blonde, in Paris together. Eating out, going to the cinema, seeing the sights, holding hands together. Sleeping together. The thought scared her. It scared her because this time it wasn't just some whore who meant nothing to Chuck, this time it was someone who he was openly taking out to places and holding hands with. He'd referred to her as his girlfriend. Blair let out a little whimper. That role was supposed to be reserved for her and her only. How could he do this to her? How could he replace her with that girl? She angrily wiped the tears from her face. She'd told herself that she was done with games, but there was no way she was just lying down and taking the blows Chuck Bass was throwing at her, she'd fight back just as hard. Blair Waldorf does not go down without a fight. She went to the bedroom and changed into a tight, short black dress, letting down her hair so it fell in curls down her back and put on a bit more make up than usual. Glancing at her reflection in the mirror on the way out, she smiled.

Blair was sitting at the bar with a drink and the guy from her earlier lunch date's hand running up her bare leg when Chuck walked in with Eva. She smirked, because her plan couldn't be going better, she hadn't expected him to see her with the guy firsthand, she'd wanted on Gossip Girl or something, but this was even better. Somehow, as if he sensed her presence, his eyes went straight to her from across the crowded room. Their eyes met for a moment, and she saw the look of jealousy and shock pass across his face with an air of triumph. Laughing, she ran her finger down the guy's chest. Pierre, she thought his name was, she wasn't sure; the alcohol was starting to get to her head a bit. Chuck surprised her by coming right up to her; she hadn't expected him to do that, and she wasn't quite sure how to react. He glared at Pierre before returning his attention to Blair.

"Can I please have a word, Blair" his voice was strained and tight.

"No" she responded, turning back to her date. Chuck ignored her reply, and took her arm, dragging her off into a secluded corner.

"Hey! Get off me! Get off!" she struggled in his grip, but was careful not to bat him away too hard, remembering his injury. He let go.

"Where is Serena?" he asked, looking around for her, with a puzzled expression.

"She's out, where's Eva?" she replied snidely. Chuck looked at her for a minute before replying slowly.

"She's over there" he waved in a general direction. "You're here by yourself?" his look was one of concern now, and she rolled her eyes.

"I don't need someone to look after me Chuck, i'm fine by myself. Pierre is doing a great job of entertaining me" she smiled at him. "As i'm sure Eva's doing for you. So if you excuse me, i'm going to get back to my boyfriend now, have a good night Chuck" Ignoring his incredulous look, she stormed off back to her seat opposite Pierre. Chuck stood for a second, watching her, before realising that Blair was in self-destruct mode, she always becomes that way when things are out of her control and Chuck knew that she was going to get herself into trouble tonight. Sighing deeply, he returned to Eva, concentrating on what she was saying but stealing glances at Blair from across the room.

Blair couldn't remember the last time she was this drunk. She felt sick, her vision was blurry, her words slurred. She was also unsteady on her feet she realised as she stumbled over her chair when getting up. Pierre excused himself a really long time ago; she was surprised he wasn't back by now. She stumbled around looking for him for a bit, but gave up quickly. It wasn't as if she really wanted to find him that much anyway. The person she really wanted to find was Chuck; she picked up her phone and dialled his number.

Eva had taken Chuck's limo a while ago, claiming that she was tired and wanted to get home. Chuck had let her go, staying around in order to keep an eye on Blair. He'd watched as her and Pierre became more and more flirtatious and it made him sick. She'd had so much alcohol that he knew that her date with this guy was meaningless, but Chuck was pretty sure this Pierre person knew that and was taking advantage of her anyway. Chuck felt his fists clench. Pierre had left a while ago, and Chuck had lost Blair to the crowd. He reached for his mobile, and saw he had 3 missed calls from her. Panicking, he called her back.

"Hello?" she answered her voice slurred and miserable. She sounded as if she had been crying.

"Blair, are you okay?" he asked, worried.

"I know you're probably out with Eva, but Serena's not answering her phone, I don't know how to get home and I don't feel well" she replied. There was a sudden clatter, and Chuck could hear retching faintly in the background. He kept the phone to his ear and hurried towards the direction of the bathrooms.

Ignoring the fact that she was in the Ladies room, he burst in, looking around for her.

"Blair? Blair, are you in here?"

"Chuck?" she asked faintly as he opened the door to the stall she was sitting in, her make up running, her hair and clothes dishevelled. She was crying and Chuck couldn't bear to see her like this. She got up slowly and he walked closer to her.

"Did that guy just leave you here like this?" he asked a faint tone of anger in his voice. She nodded.

"Look, i'm sorry to bother you Chuck, I shouldn't be doing this, I'll go now" she went to stumble past him but Chuck grabbed her arm, pulling her back.

"Don't be stupid, it's late and i'm not letting you go out in this state, come on I'll take you where you want to go"

"No Chuck, really, I shouldn't be... doing this... me and you... we're... we're" she was getting visibly upset now.

"I don't want you getting hurt okay? Which you will if you go out the way you are now. Please Blair; please just let me look after you, just for tonight"

"But what about Eva?" she asked quietly.

"She's gone home." He replied. Blair shook her head, and swayed slightly. Chuck grabbed her arm to steady her. He wanted desperately to just get her out of there, in bed safe so she could sleep this off, but Blair wasn't having any of it. She pushed him away and began to stumble out of the bathroom, back to the bar.

"Blair!" He called, as he began to try and catch up with her. He wasn't as quick on his feet due to the bullet wound. He reached her just as she began to sway again, he carefully put a hand around her waist. She leaned into him, her tears wetting his shirt. He tightened his hold on her.

"I want to go home" she moaned.

"Okay Blair, just remind me of the name of the hotel you're staying at with Serena, and I'll get you there" she was shaking her head.

"No, home, with you"

His breath caught in his throat. "You want to come with me?" she nodded tiredly. . Chuck looked at her for a moment, before taking out his phone and sending a message to Eva.

"Of course it's okay Blair" he gently led her out of the bar and into a waiting car, trying to ignore the fact that his heart was hammering in his chest and that despite his relationship with Eva, this was the first time he'd felt complete in weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okay sorry it's taken me such a long time to update! I've been on holiday and then results and stuff so it's been busy! I hope you're all still interested in the story still, and please leave some reviews! Thanks for reading =] **

Eva was visiting her aunt and staying the night there. They had kindly extended the invitation to Chuck who had initially accepted but the text message he'd sent Eva told her that there was some business that needed taking care of, and he would no longer be able to make it. He felt only the slightest bit guilty as he brought Blair to his hotel room, leading her to the couch, where she sat down heavily. He walked to his bedroom, taking out one of his shirts that she could sleep in and placed it on the bed. When he returned to the lounge there was a long silence, as they both looked at each other, properly taking each other in for the first time in months. Blair sighed.

"I still don't feel good Chuck" he had to admit, she wasn't looking too well. She was still beautiful of course, but her colouring was off, and even though Chuck knew it was just the alcohol, he couldn't help but worry.

"Okay Blair, come on" he took her hand hesitantly and led her towards the bathroom, where she sat down on the floor, close to the toilet.

"I'll get you a glass of water" he told her, before heading to leave the room.

"No, Chuck don't leave me" her eyes were closed, her head resting against the wall. Ignoring the butterflies building up in his stomach he replied softly

"I'll be right back" As he made his way to the kitchen and poured a glass of water, he couldn't help but feel slightly happy about the fact that she appeared to have put all their problems aside, even if it was only for one night, because she needed him to take care of her. It was selfish and wrong to think like that but it gave him hope. He could hear her being sick again, and he hurried to the bathroom, placing the water on a shelf. He carefully bent down next to her, pulled her hair back away from her face, and stroked her back gently. When she had finished, he flushed the toilet and gave her the water he'd brought. She drank it down, and wordlessly he went to the kitchen to bring her some more. When he returned, she had changed into the shirt he had left her and was sitting on his bed, staring at the wall, hugging her knees.

"Blair?"

"Do you love her?" she still wasn't looking at him, and her voice was clear and direct.

"No" he replied simply. She nodded.

She opened her mouth to ask another question. Chuck, knowing exactly what she was about to say, had spoken before she could ask it.

"You know I love you Blair" when she didn't respond he tried again "come on Blair, you know that"

"You sold me to your uncle for a hotel" her words were cold and harsh. "You slept with Jenny Humphrey. And now you're with Eva. You don't love me Chuck. You don't love anyone."

Her words cut through him like knives and he felt sick to his stomach. He'd take the pain of a gunshot any day if it meant her taking back the words she had just spoken. He stood there, awkward and still for a moment, as if what she had just said had physically slapped him. She wasn't looking at him. After what felt like hours, he took a step towards her.

"Blair, look at me" she didn't respond, but he could see she was crying.

"Blair... Please... Look at me" he felt as if he was losing her, even though she was sitting right in front of him, on his bed, he couldn't feel her presence. Not properly.

"I can't" she whispered. She couldn't even look at him. Hating himself more than he had ever hated anything before in his life, he closed the distance between them. He then took her face in his hand, just like she had done to him after his father's death, forcing her to look at him.

"I love you. Don't ever fucking question that"

She looked at him for a long moment, before taking his hand from around her face and holding it in her own. She then let go and lay down on the bed, closing her eyes.

"I'll be sleeping on the couch if you need me Blair, okay?" She didn't respond and Chuck knew that she had been so exhausted she was probably asleep. He wanted nothing more than to lie down next to her and hold her in his arms, but instead he made his way to the couch.

He'd been trying to get to sleep for over an hour before he gave up. As quietly as possible he walked over to his bedroom, where Blair was sleeping peacefully. He lent against the door frame, watching her as she slept. After a few moments, Blair moved across the bed, so she was only lying on one side.

"I moved across for a reason" she murmured sleepily, and Chuck smirked at the fact that she had known he'd been there the whole time. He lay down on the other side of the bed, close to her, but being careful not to touch her. He fell asleep easily, peacefully beside her. It was just a shame that the peace would not last forever.

His eyelids fluttered open some hours later to reveal her side of the bed empty. He watched as she walked from the bathroom back into his bedroom and felt the slight pressure as she sat on the bed to put on her shoes. He knew that she knew that he was awake and watching her. Finished putting on her shoes, she made to walk out the door.

"Use the car to get back" he told her heavily. She stopped and then turned round to face him.

"Nothing's changed Chuck" she told him, her eyes tired.

"I know" he replied.

"I'll never forgive you for what you did" he winced at her words but agreed.

"I know, but that doesn't mean I won't stop trying to make you"

She nodded then proceeded to walk out of his life for what felt like the hundredth time. Chuck closed his eyes, and willed for sleep to take him once again.


End file.
